u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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