addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
