But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
