id be glad to
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
