bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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