Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
