why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
