Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
