I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
