Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
