Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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