the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
