what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
