Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
