watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
