You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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