we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The uberlube is also flammable
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
