My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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