I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
