Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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