You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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