the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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