I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
