i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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