when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
