end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was like eating out sand paper
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
