I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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