take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
