Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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