This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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