so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
