New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
