3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
