He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
