We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
