It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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