Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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