Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is Oprah even human
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
