KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
