She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
