id be glad to
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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