sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
