i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
