Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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