4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
