It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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