he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
