I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
