Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
