He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
