dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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