A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
