Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
