I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
