2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
