Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
